We had been in Baltimore for five days, my sister had been moved into her dorm at Johns Hopkins University three days before, we had said our goodbyes, my mom had emptied her pack of tissues, and we were finally on our way out when my parents texted my sister to see if she wanted to say goodbye one last time.
Only 10 minutes passed when my parents started to feel rejected that their text was still unanswered.
Parents being sad after dropping their child off at college is normal, but in my sister’s case, it was definitely a helicopter parenting moment.
For those unfamiliar with the term, “helicopter parents” are those who hover over their children’s lives too much.
“A helicopter parent is a parent who is constantly watching over you and putting you in the spotlight kind of like a helicopter would do if it was chasing you down the street,” said junior John Ligon.
Laguna students are familiar with the concept of helicopter parents. They spoke to us and asked to remain anonymous.
“One time my mom told me I could go to a party, then she followed my friends and I there in her car and waited the whole time.”
“Once I was doing a school project and it happened to be with a girl, every five minutes my mom would knock on my door and ask what we were doing.”
Neil Montgomery, a professor of psychology at Keen State College in New Hampshire, designed a personality test given to college freshman to see which students had helicopter parents and how it affected them.
His research showed that some students with hovering parents were very sociable and felt supported, but the majority of students who were considered to have helicopter parents were associated with traits such as vulnerability, impulsiveness, uneasiness, irritability, and being doubtful and overly reliant on others.
When parents baby their kids too much, the kids feel like they have no control over their own lives.
Additionally, parents are sometimes too generous when helping solve their children’s problems allowing the kids to feel like they have no responsibilities–this can lead to helicoptered kids giving up later when they are forced to actually deal with the bumps and roadblocks of life in part because they have had little experience solving their own problems and they have a low tolerance for failure.
Another reason why parents are overly engaged in teenagers’ lives is because top colleges have become so selective parents want their kids to perform at their best all the time, placing an extra amount of pressure on high school students.
Overly involved parents view their parenting style as supportive and loving, and necessary in protecting their children from the dangers of life, and helpful in pushing their children to be their best.
Parents should, of course, play a big part in their children’s lives and protect them and encourage them to be their best selves, but there is a fine line between encouraging your child to succeed and drowning he or she with your attachment.
English teacher Bojana Hill, who holds a masters degree in Clinical Psychology and has two kids said that she tried to raise her kids with a balance of freedom but set boundaries hoping to support their natural talents.
“Overall, it’s healthy for young children to have clear boundaries, so they can feel safe.
But the kids also need enough autonomy so they can develop confidence and self-efficacy.
To do for the kids what they can for themselves may rob them of an opportunity to strengthen their wings,” Ms. Hill said
Kids need room to grow up by themselves without their parents dictating their every move.
The majority of the high school students who are nearly suffocated by their parents tend to be the most rebellious.
Although, sometimes it can be hard to tell whether a parent is just very involved in their child’s life or controlling and putting unnecessary pressure on their child.
“A parent who is involved is a parent who lets you make your own choices but is still an influence in his or her child’s life, whereas a helicopter parent is someone who is too controlling and overprotective resulting in the child not learning how to make their own choices,” junior Annabelle Sorensen said.
Parents are allowed the occasional helicopter moments, but if parents want their kids to flourish and actually grow up, trusting them and giving them space to live their lives is important.
“Ultimately, we must raise children to be able to function independently in a world of their choosing,” Ms. Hill said.
They only do it because they love us, we know, and another thing I most definitely know is that when my parents take me to college, I will be the one making the hotel reservations for their stay.